Fat Midget Rights

It figures that this crap comes out of Boston.

Now they want to give special rights to fat people, short people, and (as it follows) extra rights for short fat people. No word yet if short, fat, Spanish-speaking, crippled homos will be guaranteed an income for life.

If the left wing loonies have their way, it will be illegal to discriminate against fatties, lard asses, tubs, chubs, and wee-little shrimpies. I can't wait to see what kind of a team the Boston Celtics will be fielding.

Well, they may not win a lot of games, but think of the entertainment value? Add in a few lesbians, and you've got the Howard Stern show. Nothing sells tickets like midgets. Can't you just see the LA Lakers giving the Boston Little Fat Guys noogies and tossing them in for free throws?

You can also count on a sequel to Austin Powers being filmed in Massachusetts - with fresh acting jobs for Mini Me and Fat Bastard.

I'm waiting for an Affirmative Action program for cranky old military Lutheran clergy with rose gardens and French wives. I think I'll give Al Sharpton a call and see if he can give me some pointers.

Meanwhile, stand tall, Massachusetts. You're a mean, lean, legislative machine.

Pat Moore is my kind of fella

I spent a little time in England during the Big One. Things were a lot different in those days, though. Men were men and women were women. Mind you, this was before Elton John and Tony Blair. Anyway, this kid Pat Moore is my kind of old-school fella. He's saying what everyone knows, but is too metrosexual and fruity to say out loud.

I like broads as much as the next swinging Richard, but let's face it, they ruined the BBC, then the Anglican Church. Besides, I'm still waiting for the feminists to apologize for Eden.

Of course, the Yankee media is much farther gone than the Brits. Is it just me, or does watching that dim bulb Katie Couric make anyone else want to blow chunks? Cripes, I half expect Artie Just to put a Salvation Navy dress on her and invite her into the New Transgendered LCMS Ministry(tm).

Word on the street is that Walter Cronkite is scraping his coffin lid with his nails trying to get his old job back. But let's keep this in perspective, fellas. Rosie O'Donnell and Kelly Ripa are small potatoes compared to when that horse-head Hellary Klinton gets a chance to stain the Oval Office rug in her own right. If that heifer gets in, you'll need a safety helmet just to walk down the street. Will the last testicle to leave the country please turn out the lights?

Just the same, my next jaunt to London I'm buying Sir Pat a Guiness and a plate of oysters.

Only in the LCMess

Some idiotic college kids (and apparently idiotic college staff personnel) from the "Concordia University System" (read: "Heresy Generation Machine") put out a video on YouTube in which they wear ecclesiastical garb, cavort at the altar, and flail around like crack addicts. Of course, this is no surprise to me, given the state of the average parish in the LCMess. Hell, I'd bet my beer tab at the Legion (and that is not chicken scratch, mind you) that the guy that made the video is pre-sem. Cripes, he'll probably be a DiP some day.

I no longer get bent out of shape at blasphemy at the Concordias - isn't that why they have "campus pastors"? What would a Concordia chapel be without a labyrinth, more bongo drums than a Tarzan movie, and spanked-ass college kids with no divine call being allowed to "preach"? Hell, the video is no more upsetting to me than the typical crap that goes on at the LCMS Youth Gathering.

To his credit, LCMS Blogocrat Paul McCain was indignant:

"I sincerely believe it is profoundly wrong to play games with the sacred signs and symbols of our faith. I see no humor in it and regard it only as scandalous and offensive to the flock of God. It's a shame somebody didn't steer the young people in a better direction on this. Perhaps now they will?"
- Paul McCain's blog, May 7, 2007

Of course, this is the same guy that posted this picture of himself in a cardinal's clerical garb (complete with pectoral cross) on his blog two months ago:

along with the following "humorous" observation:

"Apparently there has been a serious misunderstanding. I told a friend I was a fan of the Cardinals and he took that remark to heart to a disturbing degree! I don't know if red is my color, or not. My wife looked at it and after laughing hysterically for a moment said, 'You look good as a Catholic.' I'm not sure how to take that remark."
- Paul McCain's blog, March 7, 2007.

Well, I'm confused. Maybe McCain is a product of the Concordia System. I guess it's okay to "play games with the sacred signs and symbols of our faith" as long as you're mocking the Papists. McCain sure got his BVDs in a bunch when the Lutherans were the butts of the joke.
Oh well, maybe the Vatican will get even by posting a picture on one of their blogs of a cardinal wearing a suit, tie, and an LCMS Corporate Logo(tm) lapel pin to mock LCMS bureaucrats. Or maybe they're too busy at least trying to be churchly to have the time for that.

Meanwhile, these disrespectful blasphemous punks should all be sent over to me at the Blessed Reformer Retirement Home. I may be a gouty old man, but I can still "take off my belt" and "take a trip behind the wood shed." At very least, these miscreants should be tossed out of school. But I know they won't. They'll be coddled. You mark my words, this refuse-heap of pencil-necked pretty boys will be rostered "lay ministers" and pastors, and the passel of pole-dancer-wannabe college skanks will be DCEs, teachers, and deaconesses in less than a decade.

Hell, maybe some of them will get jobs at CPH. Did I type that out loud?

"It's not a program, it's a movement." Repeat ad nauseum until actually believed.

Say it over and over. It's called a "mantra."

Well, here's another "non-program" that approaches the idiocy of Ablaze!(tm) and also relies on "babbling like the pagans": David Lynch to Announce Plan to End School Violence.

Well, at least I learned what the (tm) means in Ablaze!(tm) - though I prefer "transcendental medication" - especially in liquid form.

Good Lord! I don't know who this Lynch fella is, but he must be the Dumbass of the Decade!(tm). Please, please don't tell me this guy is an LCMS Lutheran. If so, he'll be the keynoter at the next Ute Gathering. Cripes, this kind of happy-clappy hippy crap sounds exactly like the "worship" in most of our churches. Ground Control to Marty Haugen! And he's "partnering" (a good LCMS bureaucrat-speak word if I ever heard one) with Donovan. Holy Crap! Isn't he still singing "Mister Tambourine Man" at the Holiday Inn to old broads with tattoos and mullets?

But these withering 1960s rejects are going to end school violence. Yeah, maybe the kids will end their violence with one another in order to unite in armed rebellion against the hippy peaceniks who have a way of pissing off every other generation alive. Nothing will bring peple of all ages together like mutual disgust of left wing baby boomer knuckle heads.

Now, there's a non-violence program I can identify with. I'll bring the popcorn and the rubber bullets. (Which reminds me, if you want to see a film with a happy ending, rent Easy Rider).

So, when will the last Baby Boomer finally submit to the "dirt nap"? Too bad I won't live to see it. It will be the greatest day since FDR assumed room temperature. And this is the generation running the Missouri Synod!(tm). Meanwhile, these people really need to pull their heads out. I can't figure out why they don't suffocate, nor how they get their pants on.

Someday I'll have to ask the yahoos at Lutheran Witless to tackle that question. It sure beats the Q&A I usually see in that fishwrap.