I can see why the new hymnal (the blue one) changed the Kyrie from the divinely-inspired threefold TLH "Lord have mercy upon us..." to that whole litany that says "Lord have mercy" 23 times. I think that Kyrie is longer than the last chord of "A Day in the Life." I don't know what that means, exactly, but one of the baby boomers here at the Home said that yesterday, and it sounds like I really know what I'm talking about. But I do know this much, troops, the Kyrie is the Official Prayer of the LCMS(tm). I say it every time more mail comes from St. Louis. Well, it's either the Kyrie or the Scuttlebutt Litany ("Holy crap, what the hell is it now?").However "Mercy" has now become a major marketing ploy for our Befuddled Synod(tm). But don't tell Paul McCain, or else he'll sue Mother Teresa's corpse for copyright infringement for using the word "Mercy" to describe her gaggle of Indian nuns (I still can't picture Papist sisters living in a wigwam...).
Anyway, after pitching other pieces of junk mail (bill, bill, District Newsletter, Pizza Hut coupons, bill, chain letter, and registered letter from the District office), and subsequently after three or eight shots of Seagram's, I'm ready to break the two seals on the latest missive from South Kirkwood Road. If only the damn thing had seven seals, maybe Christ would return and put the Synod out of its Missouri. No such luck. Anyway, it's an ad for the "LCMS Conference on Mercy." Kyrie eleison, and pour me another. The blurb says: "Only $100 including meals!" You gotta be kidding! Cripes, I can get 50 double cheeseburgers and fifty cokes for that price - not counting my "senior" (read: "pain in the ass") discount.
Anyway, the Matt Harrison Fan Club (read: LCMS World Relief and Human Care) is having a little "doo" at the airport in Sin City East (St. Louis). The conference speakers are: Dr. Leo Mackay, U.S. politician; Rev. Matthew Harrison, church politician ("executive director of LCMS World Relief and Human Care, pastor, historian, translator, and world traveler" - it really frigging says that!); Tim Goegline, fartcatcher of both U.S. and church politicians, and the other "usual suspects" who speak at every LCMS (triple yawn) conference: Gene "Gene" Veith, Beverly "Not the Stadium" Yahnke, Arthur "I heart the Deaconess Program" Just, Mark "Buy and" Sell, Uwe "the nice Irish boy" Siemon-Netto, etc.
The sectionals look thrilling. How about "Executive Values For the 21st Century" where you can "learn the relationship between adherence to one's values and organizational and personal success." Ground control to Waldo Werning... Like all good Reformed programs, it is "biblically-based" and (more importantly) "empirically proven to help participants find significance in leadership, balance in family life, and improved physical, mental, and spiritual health." Somebody's gunning for Dr. Phil's job - and it ain't Randy "the Shrink" Schroeder.
Howsabout "The Basics of Grant Writing"? It will teach you about "forming relationships to maximize your grant-writing efforts." Yes, and then the blonde said: "Another breathalyzer test?" Like they say in Divine Service Two: "Lo-ord, have mer-er-cy."
Then there's "Intersection of Church and State: Daily Divinity." No, this one isn't done by the Mormons. But it does promise: "Learn how to make decisions, relying totally on God's grace." Isn't this the latest Joyce "No Relation to WAM" Meyers book? Oh, no, I'm mistaken, her latest is: "I'm rich, you're poor. God loves me and hates you." I think it's under doctrinal review (along with Luther's flood prayer) over at CPH...
Gene Veith is going to talk about (wait for it...) "vocation." Now that's a shocker.
Speaking of shockers, Artie Just is going to promote the "ministry" (remember when the LCMS only had male ministers?) of the Salvation Navy. Then there's "Funding Your Vision" by a guy named Jerry Twombley the "founder/president of Development Marketing Associates." Now there's a churchly title if I ever heard one. Like the Super Bowl commercial says, everybody wants to work in marketing (although I don't recommend a wet-deaconess uniform contest for the sake of esthetics).
Siemon-Netto is going to talk about "citizenship" and how if you don't agree with his politics, you're going to hell. Oops, my mistake. That was his Lutheran Witless article. Then there's the zen portion of the program: "Healing Presence" in which "parish nurses" will "promote Christ-centered health and wellness of body, mind, and spirit." Can I get an "Om" anybody? The last time I tried to get my legs into the lotus position, I damn near busted a hip. No thanks, genuflecting is hard enough for my wheels. Can't we just watch Dharma and Greg reruns instead?
The only saving grace in this mailing is that "World Traveler" Matthew Harrison's self-promo pic is missing. I guess the fellas at the "united list" or whatever they're calling their cabal this year have decided not to put MattHarr up for the Big Cheese after all.
"Lo-or-or-ord, ha-ave mer-cy."
The kyrie has taken quite a beating since Vatican II.
ReplyDeleteFirst came the mother of all liturgical revisionism, novus ordo missae. We (I was RC then, swam the Tiber the other direction, came ashore off Lake Superior, then swam the Mississippi, must be some sort of ecclesiastical SEAL) were told the new kyrie restored its original function as a bidding prayer in the Eastern liturgy instead of sounding vaguely penitential. So the boys at the Sacred Congregation for the Liturgy tossed the Confiteor and made the kyrie a penitential rather than a bidding prayer -- for the times we messed up, Lord have mercy. Great job.
Then we get novus ordo missae Lutheran Edition, published under the title Lutheran Book of Worship. Despite all the wannabe Vatican II stuff, they actually get the regreekified kyrie right, kicking it off with "In peace let us pray to the Lord" and everything!
Then we get Christian Worship from the boys in Milwaukee, who omit the kickoff in their version, and not to be outdone by anyone in Rome in the Common Service cut and paste the kyrie to before the absolution!
At least LW didn't do that!
Now comes the LSB. It keeps the rightly done bidding prayer kyrie from LBW and LW. And I'm OK with that. I mean, if you're going to offer a version of the historic liturgy and a version of a 1970 parody of the historic liturgy equally as historic liturgy, at least do it right! What did we have a Reformation for anyway!
But then again, if you're going to regreekify the kyrie, why not take the nect step and put the confession of sin out of the mass of the catechumens and back to the start of the mass of the faithful where it is in the Eastern litugy anyway!
Judas H Priest, you could solve the whole closed communion thing then too, get really old school and boot all non members out after the sermon, then let the members get down to business, confess their sins, hear their absolution and proceed to the Eucharist! If they can issue a manufacturer's recall on the BOC why not the LSB!
Or this: ash can the first two Divine Service settings and the associated three year lectionary and revised calendar, the Vatican II wannabe stuff, and we'd really have a great new Lutheran service book.
Elder:
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't know all about that swimming stuff, I was in the "brown shoe" army. As close as I got to water was my monthly shower.
Leave it to the Lutherans to copy only the crap from the papists - when there's so much good stuff we could be stealing. I may nominate this Benedict kid for Synodical President if they don't gag me and drag me away from the mike again.
I like your idea of closing down communion. It would be a novel idea for the LCMS to only commune Christians. I hear it has been done in one or two of our churches.
I like the way you're thining on the hymnal. This LSB thing has got, what, eight or nine Masses in it? There are enough to get all the Lutherans out of Purgatory until the parousia. And have you seen that new "Altar Book"? I think I'd just use the Manhattan Phone book instead, it would be a lot less strain on my back. They should have called the damn thing the "Anvil book." There are fat ladies in side shows that weigh less. That friggin three year lectionary will cause a few hernias at the altar.
Thanks for writing. I like the way you think. We need to get you on the clergy roster, soldier!
Benedict, judging by reported comments, seems to see more value in our Confessions than some of our leadership. Now ain't that the dingest dangest thing, as the great Missourian Jesse James used to say. Maybe I should have nominated him at the parish voter's meeting for the congregational nomination, instead of just voicing the only Nay vote to re-up the current guys.
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen the altar book to the LSB. My parish will limp along with LW for a while though the LSB is being talked up. Maybe once we get it I can talk someone into using the Common Service, er, Divine Service III.
I'm 56, not a lot to you probably, but enough to me to make learning Greek and Hebrew a little scary at my age, let alone getting a first call about the age most guys are in their last! The way I'm going I probably won't even ever be elder again instead of past elder! (I was an elder while in WELS, not LCMS.) The current elders just moved the "contemporary" service to my preferred 1030 time, so I got to hear a plug for "Purpose Driven Life" in the sermon yesterday. I said something to the pastor on the way out about when did Rick Warren become the fifth Doctor of the Western Church, and within earshot of the congregation's president. Looks like I'll be "past" for while, but at least I won't get called on the carpet in the DP's office for not being "missional" enough.
Don't you just love the way the Great Commission reads "attain one million critical events before the Temple gets a little metal on target". I've got one of those translations that says something about baptising and teaching everything you were commanded, no numbers or dates. Maybe they've discovered some new manuscript or finally found Q at Deathstar or the Intergalactic HQ.
I appreciate the vote of confidence from an O7 though -- maybe there's battlefield promotions in this outfit.
I'm nominating Paul McCain for Synod president. Anyone who can so consistently and thoroughly piss off David Benke, Matthew Becker, DayStar, JesusFirst, Gerald Kieschnick, and Herman Otten, all at the same time, has something going for him.
ReplyDeletethe divinely-inspired threefold TLH "Lord have mercy upon us..."
ReplyDeleteAh... good times. I'm not a baby boomer, but I am just old enough to have become familiar with this (the red book) version.
I never did embrace, I actually really dislike, new (the blue book) in most of it's entirety.
People accuse me of being a bit to judgemental, if not critical, about all this... but hey.
I'm nominating Paul McCain for Synod president.
ReplyDeleteJust because McCain has a knack for getting under people's skin doesn't make him LCMess pope-material.
A nut-job in a looney-bin may play a convincing Napolean, but that doesn't mean you should put him in charge of the other loonies. Best to let him play out his fantasy where he won't hurt anyone but himself. (And to avoid that, you might have to put a cork on his fork at the dinner table.)
Rev. McCain has many strengths. Yet, it takes more than doctrinal acumen and a belligerent attitude to plug the holes in this sinking ship. (Especially since we have the belligerent attitude problem already.)
Who knows, though? If God can raise up children for Abraham from stones, he can fit Rev. McCain for the presidency of the LCMS.
[I assume Rev. McCain will be reading this, since nothing on the Internet ever escapes his sleepless eye. Rev. McCain, you might have my vote if you learned a bit more tact. Aside from that, keep up the good work, kiddo.]
Holy Kumbayah! Talking about swimming and the LSB camp-fire settings and hymnody calls to mind the question: Is it true that Gerald Kieschnick once ran a day camp in Texas? Let's have a bit more biographical info on Gerald Kieschnick before we talk too much about others.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, if you are under the delusion that Paul McCain is synodical president material, you need to talk with some of the executive-types who have had to work closely with him. They know too much to think for one second that that could possibly be a plausible idea.
And don't you think that Paul McCain has the goods on Gerald Kieschnick from the Barry days? Why isn't he using what he has? Too hot to handle? Give it up.
CK
Anon:
ReplyDeleteI don't know much about this McCain kid. But I don't know why anyone would name their kid after the first murderer, though. If he wants to run for political office, he might want to change that name. Besides, I'm just not sure the country's ready for an Irish Catholic president.