Given that we've swapped out the Gospel for "sound bites" and have traded in the mysterious work of the Holy Ghost for the more "scientific" method of mass marketing, I'm surprised this latest church marketing stunt was done by someone else. The Ablaze!(tm) crowd missed a real opportunity here...Upstate NY Church Hosts 'Porn And Pancakes' Event
"It's not a program, it's a breakfast..."
If we were to add "pro wrestling" and "domestic beer" to the agenda, we'd be hitting the LCMS's target audience. In fact, if we could only siphon off a single percent of Benny Hinn's or Joyce Meyers' white trash quotient, we'd be rolling in "Ablaze!(tm) bucks" until the eschaton (and we could all dance around the cash register singing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" while we're at it - lest anyone forget, that's LSB 770 in the "Prayer" section).
Even though "Porn and Pancakes" is already taken as a marketing ploy, no doubt the Kirkwood Marketeers could improvise. We could do something along the lines of "topless dancers and waffles" or even "nude aerobics and whole wheat bagels" for a more health conscious perversion of the Most Important Meal of the Day(tm). Let's find out what Roegner eats for breakfast. On second thought, let's not. Of course, the LCMS version would naturally cater a little more to German-American midwestern tastes, so our version might be more along the lines of "Oatmeal and the Missionary Position." Bland enough to be Lutheran, and it's a good way to get the Missions Board involved.
Remember when we all used to gripe about "Gospel reductionism"? Hell, these days, that sounds downright "meet right and salutary." What we got going these Ablazing Days(tm) of American "churchmanship" is more along the lines of "Gospel destructionism."
Praise the Lord and pass the syrup, Missouri. And somebody please tell Mrs. Butterworth to put on some clothes.
General, I'm shocked, SHOCKED, that you would lend your endorcement to the blatant false advertizing in that program! I read the fine print, and all these Assembly of Goders are going to do is TALK about porn. I'll bet there will also be a spirited debate about the pancake industry as well, but nobody will serve them to anybody. This is terrible!! If you can't trust a church to deliver what it promises, who can you trust?
ReplyDeleteKerner:
ReplyDeleteWell, the way most of our broads come dressed for church these days, I think we get to see more skin at the communion rail than in Paris Hilton's limo.
Besides, as long as they use real maple syrup, I can always shut off the hearing aids and pretend I'm listening.
Thanks for writing, son, and get a haircut.