I used to think it was the Japs who were the sneakiest of our enemies. You know, Pearl Harbor, transistor radios, and Toyotas overtaking Ford and GM. You turn your back on them for one second, and they're working harder, building better merchandise, and trying to get red-blooded American kids to eat raw fish with sticks.I never trusted 'em, not even when they were cleaning my shirts. Especially after I learned about Calgon.
But they ain't the worst. The Japs don't pick on the Christians - at least not since the days of the Jesuits, anyway. It's the Kraut who's doing that.
Imagine that! Germany and religious intolerance. Why, who could have imagined that combo? I think that's the Number Three Meal at McNazi's.
I realize I'm gonna step on a few LCMS toes here, but let's face it, there's a damn good reason the whole world hates the Hun nearly as much as they hate the French: you turn your back on a Barbarian Kraut, and he's not only building a better car, he's putting the engine in the back and trying to exterminate some religion or another. Genocide seems to be the national pastime (maybe they should league up with Rwanda and Sudan and have a World Cup). Hell, it couldn't be any worse than American Idol.
Of course, the Krauts learned their lesson picking on the Jews, especially after Georgie Patton and the Third Damned Army greased the treads of their tanks with their living guts and murdered the Hun bastards by the bushel (and I mean that in all Christian love). So, these days, the goose-stepping Reichers are going after the Christians.
You can't let a little thing like religious freedom get in the way of a good fascist government, now can we? I mean, you let the Baptists home school their children, and the next thing you know, the Bible-thumpers won't approve of Hans marrying Franz, they're eating raw fish with sticks, and refusing to commune with the Reformed. Ach du Lieber!
Well, I say it's high time we turn the 3rd Army loose and let 'em finish the job this time. If Uncle Sam did things my way, they'd be stuffing hamburgers down their pie-holes in Hamburg and fressing French fries in Cologne.
Since your blog is proudly and unapologetically the opposite of politically correct, I suppose it's superfluous of me to object to your use of perjoratives such as kraut and jap. It must be my thin skin since I'm half-japanese. Well, I shouldn't whine too much. My own grandfather used to call black people niggers. He didn't live to meet my wife, who is black, or his great-grandchildren, who, according to some, be part jap, part nigger, and part cracker.
ReplyDeleteMark Myers
Member of St. Paul's Lutheran Church of Kingsville, MD
www.stpaulskingsville.org
It's not Germany or Japan's fault we decided to start building crappy cars.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, sadly, you're right on the mark here.
But I'm half Hun so I hav'ta be careful I don't find myself on the wrong side of the firing line here.
One could have predicted this sort of thing when we let the two halves get back together.
ReplyDeleteEven though I myself am mostly Kraut, I guess once a Nazi, always a Nazi. You just persecute different causes/religions/etc. A lot of Lutherans seem to have the Kraut Nazi mentality. "Ve vill report you to ze DiP if you do not do vat ve vant!" "Ve vill report you to ze elders who must be your boss, if you rezpond not pozitively to our critizisms!" I know how these blasted Krauts think! I'm one of them, Gott help me!!
ReplyDeleteThe Fat Padre (I know you're opposed to fat-assism, General, but I'm vorking, yikes, I mean "working" on it, so cut me some slack you old SOB)
Vehse:
ReplyDeleteDamn right! We should have dropped the Big One on Berlin and built a WalMart in Tokyo. If it weren't for the Americans, Mandarin would probably be the most widely spoken language in the world...
Anon:
ReplyDeleteHow about that! I got a post from Tiger Woods' dad! I didn't even know you were Lutherans. Small world!
Of course, I wouldn't use the word "nigger." It was always considered trashy when I was growing up. But you're certainly free to use it if you want to. I won't.
Frankly, the only people I hear using "nigger" are the coloreds. And I hear these days they don't like the words "colored" and "negro" - except, of course, for when I get beg-letters from the NAACP and the UNCF. I guess when they're asking old white guys for money, "colored" and "negro" are ok.
But I do want to clarify something: "Jap" is not a pejorative - it's an abbreviation. Just the other day, I went into the video store and they had a whole section called "Jap Animation." Neither is "Kraut" a pejorative. It refers to the cabbage they actually put on their weiners (and I don't mean that in the biological sense).
Now, if I wanted to be pejorative, I'd use words like Goose Stepping Hun bastards, and Purple Pissing Yellow Peril. But I figure bygones is bygones. I even have a Jap TV and eat German chocolate cake when the bowels permit.
I must be getting soft in my dotage. Don't tell the fellas at the Legion Hall, they might start collecting my beer tab.
But thanks for writing, and tell that kid of yours to keep playing golf. One day, he'll make a million bucks!
Hey Fat Padre:
ReplyDeleteVee haf vaise off makink you co-operate vit resss-o-lu-tse-own 8-01A. Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Synod!
We should have let Patton go into Berlin, then airlifted him to St. Louis and let him finish the job. It's that damned Eisenhower who's to blame for the LCMS's problems.
As far as the fat pastoral ass goes, I hear the "whiskeycize" program of yours beats the hell out of Pilates (besides, who would exercise using something named after that rat bastard Pontius Pilate anyway?).
Also, smoking helps keep the waistline trim. Gives you a good manly preaching voice too. Get your smokes while they're still cheaper than liposuction.
General, Are you comparing that "outstanding servant of the lord"tm Jurrah to der Fuhrer? Why I'm all aflutter. I do believe I feel a case of the vapors coming on as my sun dress billows in the wind and my panties bunch up. Men can joke but we have become a bunch of Isaiah 3 types where our children are our oppressors and our women rule over us. By the by Isaiah wasn't calling such a state a blessing. When I was in the service we had a saying which started with a word that sounded a lot like a water fowl and ended with, "you if you can't take a joke." I do believe this post is too hot to use even a screen name.
ReplyDelete