Don't Mess with the Orthos

Holy crap! I thought the "drunken monk" fighting style was only limited to the Buddhist Kung Fu types. The Orthodox might be able to give them a go-round in the octogon. Bully for the Christians!

Check out the video of the Greeks and the Armenians going at it, opening a can of whoop-ass right in the Holy Sepulcher. I like the guy in the chasuble. That's not a fella Herman Otten would want to call a homo for wearing one. I wear them myself, but speaking only for myself, it's rare that I ever throw a punch or a kick while vested (those altar guild meetings can get rough though).

I guess the Orthos didn't sing that old campfire song "and they'll know we're all Christians by our love..." I never liked all that hippy lovey-dovey crap anyway. Nothing says "Christian" like a good square kick to the groin. My disrespect for Robert Schuller faded a bit when he picked a fight with that queer male airline stewardess. Good for Bob! The hell with the "lavender mafia" always telling me to put my tray in its "upright position" (as if those guys know anything about that) when I still have a seven and seven "queued up on the runway" for landing!

Troops, I'm inspired by all this "clerical violence!" I'm going to "call out" my DiP at the next convention. I think it's time to "rumble." With a little training, I may be ready for a circuit-wide "round robin" - especially given the fact that half of my circuit is comprised of "sensitive" spanked-ass pencil-necked kids (who've never so much as taken a belt from their dads) holding Starbuck mugs and sporting you-know-what-eating grins, and the other half are overweight, greasy, sausage-fingered baby boomers just trying to keep their toes from getting cut off due to obesity-related diabetes and attempting to keep the Viagra from interfering with the blood pressure medicine. What a bunch of boobs!

I think I can take my whole circuit in a fisticuffs without too much trouble. Besides, there was that "preliminary match" with the "circus counselor." I'm told his oral surgery was a success - which is great, because the scars on the jaw make great targets for the rematch.

Of course, this video makes me wonder how that kid "Western" Jack Fenton is doing. I know living in Detroit will get your "dukes" up, but is Fenton in the same league with these ortho-bruisers? I don't think he ever had to punch a priest in the LCMS (though "priest" in the LCMS means the laity only). And what happens when Jerruh is called upon for ecumenical discussions with the Ortho-dukes? Nothing personal, but I think my Blanche could kick Jerry's diminutive gluteals - even without the benefits of a hormonal rage or nicotine fit. Maybe we should have elected Roegner instead (but didn't Jerry just throw him under the bus? That must have been something to see). Because what I want to see is Roegner in a Sumo match. I'm sure Masaki can make that happen - as long as you ply him with saki and Norwegian theology books. My sources tell me Masaki has a pretty mean o soto gari, and he is not a man to be messed with.

I say we put Sensei Masaki in the ring with these brawling incense huffers and make a movie: Crouching Theologian, Hidden Pastor. I'll buy the eggrolls.